Waiting, waiting
In my first entry, I mentioned that our journey has included a lot of change. Not only the change of assumptions that I am healthy to now I have cancer, but changes in times, insurance, etc.
Yet another aspect of this journey has been about waiting. Waiting for mammograms, sonograms, and doctor's interpretations. Waiting to see the surgeon. Waiting for surgery (we waited for six hours due to two emergency surgeries). Waiting for biopsy results. Waiting for time to go by until the date to see the specialist rolled around. Waiting for MRI's and bone scans to be done (do you know how long 3 minutes can be?)
We found some of the waiting harder than others. The period of time in which we did not know if there was even anything to worry about seems, in hindsight, the hardest. Ironically, one facet of my doctor's office I have been repeatedly warned about is to be prepared to wait, because the doctor gives each patient the time she needs--no one is rushed.
Waiting, for us, has been a time of discipline....an exercise in not allowing our minds to wander too far into fear. I have not always distracted myself productively, though I have re-learned how to play Spider Solitaire. I have also read, a lot of it at bedtime, in order to fall asleep without negative thoughts. However, I have had, overall, a sense of peace in the midst of our waiting. I joked that I did not know if I was at peace or in denial, but I did have confidence that God would be faithful to His promises, even though I was not sure what immediate promises to apply. Sometimes, the bottom line is most important.
Now that we have some answers, even though they are hard ones, the waiting is getting a little easier. We are still waiting....for surgery....for treatment to begin....and for the words, "you are cancer-free." We know what we have to do, and are ready "to get to it."
We have other friends who are waitng as well. A friend is also awaiting biopsy; my sister-in-law is waiting to get started with her breast cancer treatment and move toward those words about the cancer being gone. We pray with empathy about their wait. We also pray with gratitude for those who prayed for us during our waiting time. Waiting can be a bit paralyzing when the fear feels strong, and it is hard to find a coherent prayer....we thank those who had words for us.
I am challenged as I close: How many scriptures do I really know about waiting...waiting upon the Lord. And, is my waiting for the Lord's return as intense as the waiting for word about my current life... I have growing to do on both accounts, something to fill the waiting times with if I am willing.
Yet another aspect of this journey has been about waiting. Waiting for mammograms, sonograms, and doctor's interpretations. Waiting to see the surgeon. Waiting for surgery (we waited for six hours due to two emergency surgeries). Waiting for biopsy results. Waiting for time to go by until the date to see the specialist rolled around. Waiting for MRI's and bone scans to be done (do you know how long 3 minutes can be?)
We found some of the waiting harder than others. The period of time in which we did not know if there was even anything to worry about seems, in hindsight, the hardest. Ironically, one facet of my doctor's office I have been repeatedly warned about is to be prepared to wait, because the doctor gives each patient the time she needs--no one is rushed.
Waiting, for us, has been a time of discipline....an exercise in not allowing our minds to wander too far into fear. I have not always distracted myself productively, though I have re-learned how to play Spider Solitaire. I have also read, a lot of it at bedtime, in order to fall asleep without negative thoughts. However, I have had, overall, a sense of peace in the midst of our waiting. I joked that I did not know if I was at peace or in denial, but I did have confidence that God would be faithful to His promises, even though I was not sure what immediate promises to apply. Sometimes, the bottom line is most important.
Now that we have some answers, even though they are hard ones, the waiting is getting a little easier. We are still waiting....for surgery....for treatment to begin....and for the words, "you are cancer-free." We know what we have to do, and are ready "to get to it."
We have other friends who are waitng as well. A friend is also awaiting biopsy; my sister-in-law is waiting to get started with her breast cancer treatment and move toward those words about the cancer being gone. We pray with empathy about their wait. We also pray with gratitude for those who prayed for us during our waiting time. Waiting can be a bit paralyzing when the fear feels strong, and it is hard to find a coherent prayer....we thank those who had words for us.
I am challenged as I close: How many scriptures do I really know about waiting...waiting upon the Lord. And, is my waiting for the Lord's return as intense as the waiting for word about my current life... I have growing to do on both accounts, something to fill the waiting times with if I am willing.
posted by Beverly @ 6:40 PM
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