External Blessings

I have recently been thinking about how the blessing of cancer taps into one of my weak points, making me a better person. My weakness is this: I am not a "type A" person; rather, I am relaxed, easy-going, and a follower. While I love having those traits a lot of the time, it can sometimes be a problem in that I tend to need and rely on external, as opposed to internal structures to motivate me.

For example, I love to write, but what prompted this blog? Cancer. I have had several people remark that I should turn this blog into a book, but my reaction: "Great idea, but would you show me how?" There are other dreams I might have, but I always wish for a mentor...someone to show me the way, to give me the confidence and cheerleading to pursue it.

In that light, cancer has been the blessing of becoming an external structure for me. It has, as stated, pushed me to write. It has facilitated thought...about life, heaven, meaning and significance. It has helped to create relationships; it has humbled me to accept help and made me realize I need to have people in our home and lives out of strength, not just weakness. It has promoted reading; I wish I could say I have put in some in-depth study, but I can't...but I have read more and, again, thought more. It has strengthened family relationships; it has prompted fun; it has sparked creativity. It has revealed beauty in other persons which I may have otherwise never seen. It has been a catalyst to understanding more about healthy habits; it has also taught me that no matter how many healthy habits one has, sometimes our health is out of control. Thus, I have learned gratitude for the health I do have.

There is more, much more. But, I am grateful for this blessing of an unexpected external. I am also amused, because I realize the very "un-type-A-ness" which I sometimes see as a curse, is also what has allowed me to participate with the journey of cancer...to learn from it and accept the structure it has placed upon me. Hopefully that means that cancer is here to grow me as who I am, to push me a little further into type-A-ness, but not totally remake me.

One of my biggest fears is that I when the journey plateaus, I will do the same. I am hoping and trusting that God is planting this structure deeply in my soul, so that when the cancer journey is taken away, the ways in which I have been formed will stand!