Healthy Living Update

In my last entry, I said I get an A for appointment coordination. I am not scoring as high in healthy habits. Rats.

Who knew it would be so hard? (Me.) It is. Walking was going great, until spring break which broke routine...then Mark was out of town, so no leaving the girls to walk then. Also, my committment to the half-marathon....well....what with no walking the last 2 weeks, no friends going over, stretched finances...I have opted out. It feels a lot like a failure, but at least it is financially wise!

Speaking of failure, I cannot get these silly italics off!!

Anyway, I have been really nervous about the ramifications of the half marathon on my system. Ever since the removal of the skin cancer, I have felt run-down and queasy. Not sure why. I was questioning the wisdom from that perspective before the final decision today.

Confession here, too: I have gotten off of my medication regime. Spring break, skin cancer surgery...Mark gone. I'm a mess. The thing is, in my former life of being a case manager, I would get SO frustrated by my clients who would refuse to take their meds. Now, here I am. Part of the problem in this situation is that I have to re-aclimate my system to the pills, meaning more queasiness. Talk about not being a positive reinforcement!

Well, my health habits are failing, but my honesty is an A...just don't ask me about how my fat intake is going. The only consolation there is that my plastic surgeon will have more tissue to work with if I allow a few indulgences between now and surgery, though I have been instructed not to "eat my way into a breast!" My nurse has a good sense of humor!

To end on a good note, there is a possibility of a couple of 5K marathons before surgery, and the Relay for Life is going well. God opened the door for that one and I am trying to be responsible in moving forward with it. It's feeling good and right to give back!

Medical Updates

As boring as it is, I will offer some medical updates...

Since I cannot get the computer to back up to my blog entries, I will risk being redundant and tell you that my skin biopsy came back malignant for squamous cell carcinoma. I have already had the lesion removed, and it was definitely pre-invasive. Thanks, Lord!

I know I told you that the colonoscopy was clear...

My hearing test yielded results consistant to my experience: the type of hearing needed for language discernment...I have NONE. I have hearing for bass notes within normal hearing range, and I have some hearing of high pitches, but none within the range used for distinguishing speech. It's at least nice to know it's not my imagination!

The good news is that there are some hearing aids that might help me. The bad news: I don't know if we can afford to build breasts and ears in the same year!

My youngest is the next surgerical patient in the family, with a 30 minute corrective eye surgery on April 4th. We thank you for your prayers. And, we are thankful that we have been able to coordinate doctors' visits: we will do her pre-op, a post-op for me, and my first "blue-light" treatment fo

A Theology of Cancer

I was talking the other day to a survivor-friend's husband. I heard myself throw out the phrase, "theology of cancer." I think it is worth some further consideration...how do cancer and God fit together? How does He work within it? How can He be glorified through it? How exactly is He responsible for it and/or for healing it?

I have some thoughts about it all. And, I may even share some here. But, even as I write the questions, I think it might be more important to love the ones impacted by cancer. We'll always have speculations, never absolute answers anyway...but where there are people with cancer, love will always answer a multitude of needs.

His Care is There

In our Bible study last week, we were asked to share something "amazing" that God has done in our lives. As you can easily imagine, my list was readily available and lengthy. But, I felt like I was missing something. It took a while, but finally it dawned on me. I am SO glad I remembered, because this is truly amazing to me, and I would hate to forget it....

A few weeks ago, I saw a friend that I had not seen in several months. I was sharing with her some of the difficulties I was concerned about, in terms of how cancer impacts marriage and intimacy (see previous post). She listened, identified where she could, and then with a thoughtful look on her face she shared the following.

"I hope it is appropriate to tell you this...I've been praying to know the right time, and maybe this is it. But, I have been keeping up with you through __________ (a mutual friend.) One night, in the middle of the night...like 3 -4 in the morning--I woke up. I hurt, like a pain in my chest....I just hurt. So I was asking the Lord, "What is this?" And He said, "Beverly. You need to pray for her." Not surprising, it was the morning of my surgery. My jaw dropped open, and my knees literally buckled.

My friend, whom I asked permission of to tell this story, is a very godly woman. I really admire her, and I have always learned from her...just the way she approaches life and Bible study. So, it is also not surprising that she went on with this profound insight: "I just want you to know that God was seeking people out to pray for you. I'm not sure how all that works, but He was prompting people to pray on your behalf. I just wanted you to know."

I still get chills. My friend asked me not to share her name, so I won't. But I was struck: "_____________, you hurting on account of me...that was Jesus! That's what He did for us! That's amazing...I'm so sorry you had to hurt because of what I was going through, but thank you!"

My friend wanted no credit, and I want no sense of being "special" in any way, shape or form. I share this because I think it IS amazing: I was given the huge gift of a personal reminder: that God...who created the universe....is attentive to us as individuals. That too, gives me chills.

I'm with my friend here...I don't claim to understand much about this...about His personal interaction, or why He would prompt people to pray, when it seems He could just take care of it. But, if I ever needed a personal example of how God seeks to reveal to us that He loves us...I have one now. And maybe that is the point of Him working through His people...that we have a tangible way of knowing He is awares and cares. It is humbling. Who am I to receive His attention at all, that He would wake my friend to have her pray for me?

I also share this because I love how it has taught me. When God puts people on my heart and mind, I will remember (I HOPE!) that it is His love for them that put them there. Remembering that gives me a new way to talk to those people, too: I no longer have to be embarressed, like I am saying, "Look at me, I prayed for you, aren't you impressed over how sensitive I am to the Lord?" No! Now, I love that I have a new way to think and share..."I think the Lord put you on my heart, and I just want you to know that He was acting on your behalf. I think He wants to remind you that He loves you!"

I love that framing of my friend's experience. I love that it highlight's God mercy and compassion and love. And as I think about it, I write about it to those who read my blog...well, because, ...I think God wants to remind you that He is there and caring for you, not just me.

A TV Moment

All of us have probably had a "TV moment" in real life. With all the reality shows on now (which I don't watch...I've just never gotten into them), that probably is easier and easier. But, I'm talking about those times that you find your life looking just like the Cosby Show or a commercial.

When we were in Dallas a few weeks ago, I had mine. It was a Charlie's Angels moment (and not because of my plastic surgery!). Picture not the hair (remember I was bald just a few months ago), but a parking garage. DIdn't the best scenes always take place there?

Now picture my three year old, running away from me. Because of a game they play at dance, I can usually get her to stop by telling her to "freeze." Because of the situation though--a dim garage, multiple cars, and a loose child--I yelled at her: "FREEZE!"

As my voice echoed off the concrete, I looked around to see if anyone happened to be there, because suddenly I felt like Jackilyn Smith. I was curious if I sounded authoritative to anyone else but her (and usually she's not impressed!). Disappointingly enough, no one was there to hear me sounding like an Angel from the past. There was no one frozen in mid-stride with their hands raised, wondering what they did. Too bad. It sounded kind of cool.

There is nothing profound here...and by the way, my daughter DID stop! Guess if I need a night-time job, I could always....well maybe not. I'll never have the hair to go with the voice.

Colonoscopy result

We headed to my colonoscopy test this morning at about 6:30. The building was easy to identify...it was the only one with lights on! There was one person in front of me, and me. Talk about a contrast to a Dallas experience!

The colonoscopy went fine. I had heard it was easy, and that the worst part was the drink beforehand. My sources were accurate. The test was unremarkable and Fleet's ginger-lemon soda is almost unbearable. In fact, I threw up part of the 3 a.m. dose, but it stayed down long enough to do its job. One would think that with all the technological advances in 2007---I mean, I DID lay there and watch the scope of my colon on the television screen---that someone could come up with a more palatable preperation for the test! Ugh!

All that said, my colon was clear! Yippee! I was very surprised, actually. I seriously thought I would wake up in the hospital with part of my colon gone. But, the Lord is good, and my colon has been protected. The doctor will see me in 3 years due to my family and personal history. But for now, all is well!

All IS well, but there I am afraid there was evidence of my sedation afterwards. Mark took me to IHOPS for breakfast after we took the girls to school. He dropped me off while he ran to Target for pull-ups. The waitress came to take my order, and I could NOT, for the life of me, tell her what I wanted. I tried, I really did, but then ended up pointing at the picture and saying, "Oh, you know what I am trying to say!" Later, I spilled my Diet Coke on the floor...I sat it down on the table, and phlewp...it was on the floor. If that wasn't bad enough, I had another failed attempt at conversation with another waitress as we left. I just could not make a coherant sentence to save my life. I am glad I wasn't there to here the discussion when I left!

But for all of that, I still want to end by saying,
Thanks, Lord!

Skin biopsy result

I received my biopsy report from my dermatologist's office today. It is cancerous, but not too far developed. So, we are a little disappointed (although not surprised) but choosing to be grateful for the early detection.

The treatment is called MOHS surgery, where they surgically address the area, take the sample to their lab, and continue surgery and slide examinations until everything is clear. Though the actual surgery takes about 10-15 minutes, we will be in the office anywhere from 3-6 hours while the slides are looked at. Up point-free wireless in the office!

Updates

Just a few updates...

Our recent trip to Dallas was good. I was so glad I was able to arrange for a couple of appointments for the day, because both were relatively short.

--We went to a pediatric lab to assess my youngest's vision, and she demontrated better than the norm for her age! We are so happy about that! She will still have some corrective surgery in April, but we were happy for her good news.

--My dermatology visit was well worth it, I think. The doctor confirmed that the spots on my hands appear pre-cancerous, and she will treat them as such. She biopsied one new area, and we should find out this week what the lab results are. She did not anticipate it being a melanoma, which is great. The discussion of potential cancer was a little stressful to me, moreso than in the past, and I think it was the absense of the cheerleading crowd who have "been there/done that". That's okay though...it was a good reminder of what other's experience, and fortunately, I don't think this will be a big deal.

I am grateful to be in Dallas, once again, though, because it seems she has a relatively new treatment system which will allow for the entire skin to be treated all at once. As far as I can tell, this is not available in Abilene. I am going to do some calling to verify this--no reason to travel if we don't have to!

I do ask your prayers for Annaleigh, though. On the way home, we discussed the biopsy on my arm and what/why. When I used the word "cancer", she responded, "And you might die?" Oddly enough, she said it very matter-of-factly without seeming to be upset about it. I told her that I think that we are doing everything early so that I won't die from this, but how one day...when I am old...BUT, first, I want to rock her babies after she finds a man who loves Jesus and gets married. She seemed okay with this. I was just a little surprised that she had made the connection between cancer and dying, because we have not talked much about that aspect. But, she is a bright little girl. However, I do appreciate your prayers for her peace of mind as she processes these thoughts about death and heaven and someday being without her Mommy.

--Tomorrow (3/6) is colonoscopy day. Yippee. I AM grateful, though (I keep reminding myself). I really am. Any chance to catch something earlier than later, if there is something to catch...it is a great thing. So, today, nothing but clear liquids. Ugh. So, if I am a wee bit grumpy today....well....you might pray for my family!