Decision Made

We have made our decision regarding my breast reconstruction. We have decided to go with the DIEP. If you are interested in the details of the surgery itself, you can google "Dr. Duffy, Dallas, DIEP" and get the mechanics of it.

Although this is not the easist surgery, we do have a peace about it and feel like it is a good solution for the long-run. We have had two women, both in the medical field, validate our choice. It is always encouraging to hear others voice wisdom--from their experience--about our choices.

The surgery is scheduled for May 2nd, barring any unforseen obstacles.

My observation: God created an entire man in one day, from dirt. All we are trying to do is re-create some breasts. I think it is much more difficult for us, than Him. God is amazing.

Half Marathon Update

With some fear and trepidation, I am committing myself to the half marathon I mentioned a while back. It is April 1st, in Dallas. My friend that inspired me is cheering me on, though she cannot participate this time. So, my totally unathletic self is taking the challenge...and practising (I think the athletic term is "training."). Yikes! All I know is that it helps me meet the goal of walking daily to have this huge goal ahead of me.

So...I will be reporting in. This morning, I walked 6 3/4 miles (three times around ACU), and to and from campus (which might up it to 7), in 1 hour 50 minutes. Not too bad. I think I should get extra credit for the wind, but that's just my humble opinion. The half marathon is 13.2 miles, so I'm about half there.

I think it will be interesting to see whether I have any "profound insights" as a novice walker. This morning my mind was all over...trying to the math of times and distance in my head, praying for folks here and there, thinking I should have scriptures to memorize while I was walking...wondering what I would do when I got home, visualizing the marathon day.

Nothing profound at all. I did get to throw a baseball back over the fence to a team warming up. I had to chuckle...the girl that asked me to get it for her had NO idea what she was asking of me to bend over and pick it up! And being the non-athlete I am, I threw it way past her, oops. At least it went over the fence!

Relay for Life Update

It seems like the Lord is making the way for my (and I use that word with a sense of surreal-ness) Relay for Life Team. So far, there are, including myself, 6 of us. And that is with ladies just responding immediately...no arm twisting or pleading on my part! I have an interested 7th, and we will talk Sunday. I not sure any of us consider ourselves real fundraisers, per se, but as a Team Captain, I think at this late notice, a committment to go walk, do what we can (even if we just donate ourselves and a few dollars), that is more than they had without us!

The team has room for up to 15 people. The team keeps a person on the walking track from 7 pm Friday the 20th, to 7 a.m. Saturday the 21st. So...if you are local and an early morning person and want to do a lap about 5 or 6 a.m, let me know.

Also, if you are a survivor...PLEASE come join us in the victory lap at the beginning. More information to follow on that.

Ash Wednesday

This past Wednesday was Ash Wednesday. Although our church does not practice the ceremony of Ash Wednesday per se, our preacher sees the value in it and has talked about it the last two years (at least). For those not familiar, it is the beginning of Lent season, and to really simplify it, it is a time in which we identify with the death of Jesus so that when we can better identify with His resurrection. It is a reminder not only of Jesus' death, but of the death in this world, and our own death to come.

Last year, our preacher began our Ash Wednesday service by stating, "You are going to die." I remember, because it was the first church service I attended after hearing my lump was malignant. I could see the humor in the timing...I did not take it as prophetic...but still...it was a bit eerie.

This year, Ash Wednesday felt a lot better. It is still a bit unsettling to hear the words, "You are going to die," but it felt better. And, as I shared with my minister after the service, the message in Ash Wednesday is in part, the lesson of cancer.

Cancer is the reminder that we are terminal. For many of us, we get to take the message as a gift, and not an immenent happening. We get to take the reminder and "live with it"...fully, with purpose, and hopefully with joy. Thanks, Preacher Mike, for helping me remember.

Relay for Life

I stopped by the local cancer center this morning and picked up a packet of information about our local Relay for Life. It is put on by the American Cancer Society to raise awareness and funds for cancer research.

Honestly, I just wanted to sign up to walk. What I was handed was a packet of information about being a team captain. Teams are made of 10-15 people (though you can have less than 10), and persons are asked to raise 100.00 as a participant.

Yikes! I really just wanted to walk and contribute my 25.00 entry fee.

Yet, I still remember standing in front of Baylor Medical and realizing how many people had been faithful to do the work put in front of them. How men and women had been responsible to use their talents to work against this disease, and how I had never done anything, but was benefitting from it.

The relay is on April 20 and 21st. I need to have a team put together by March 5th. I am not sure I can do it....it is way out of my comfort zone...but....I am standing here as a breast cancer survivor due to others along the way who were also likely at times out of their "zone." So, your prayers are coveted as I consider this, and if you are local and reading this and want to be a part, PLEASE let me know!

Salmon recipes anyone?

Directly related to my previous post, I am looking for salmon recipes. My oncologist says that will help with joint stiffness as well.

I have never been a fish eater, so I am a little at loss for how to proceed. Last night, I made a Salmon Chowder out of cookbook my sweet mother-in-law gave me. I was doing well until I was chopping up the fish and discovered they leave skin on those things. Ick! Made it a little hard to enjoy the soup after scraping the meat off. (I prefer to be as far removed as possible to the fact that what I am eating was once a living, breathing creature.) Overall, it was good, but next time I asking the butcher if HE will skin it!

So...salmon recipes anyone?

And God Created Fish

Sometimes life brings us to a point where we say things that we never expected to say. For me this week, it has been (drum roll...), "I am grateful for fish oil."

Like I said, it surprises me too.

But, in my last visit with my oncologist, I mentioned to her that my joints were really stiff. She explained that it was the sudden drop-off of estrogen, and presribed taking fish oil tablets twice a week. I have, and they have helped.

Pretty amazing...who would have "thunk it"?

More Than I See

Yesterday, a friend asked my permission to refer to me in a Bible Study she was teaching. I thought it was great that she considered something about my cancer journey to be helpful, and I readily agreed. We then went on to discuss some of the blessings that I see as a result of last year's experiences.

Then, as I was walking this morning, I considered something. Everything that I discussed with my friend was something that I can SEE. Yet, the apostle Paul, in Ephesians, refers to God being able to do immeasurably beyond all that we can ask or imagine. He also mentions, in that same book, that the "rulers and authorities in the heavenly realms" are watching and learning of God's wisdom as they watch the church.

What struck me was this: For every blessing that I can see...for every good thing that God has brought out of my cancer...there is more going on. There is more good than I can even IMAGINE that God is likely weaving together out of this situation. With His creativity, perhaps He is even using me to teach a heavenly ruler something about His ways.

That is an awesome thought. And it is a challenge. It makes me want to be obedient and have a good attitude even when I don't see the good. I think it makes the church's response to difficulty a vital component in what is going on--not only in our world, but in His immediate world. It also makes me hopeful. When things don't make sense, or don't work out as I think they should, I can trust that God is at work...beyond my imagination...being true to His character....and forming both myself and things "in the heavenlies" into what He desires.

I know it is a mystery. But, I am glad to serve a God bigger than myself...a God who is about doing things that are immeasurably more.

The Gift of Morning

I have stated often on this blog that my breast cancer has been a gift in many ways. Recently, it seems to have brought me yet another blessing.

If you know me at all, you probably know that I am NOT a morning person. I think it is hereditary. Seriously. My brother also claims that morning is HARD for him. And though I don't remember my Mom struggling with mornings, I do remember that once she retired, it was not uncommon for her to still be in her robe around 10 a.m. It is not that I haven't WANTED to be a morning person, it is just that I have found it incredibly impossible. ( Naturally, I married into a family of morning people. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law BOTH get up and excercise before people in China are up for morning devotions. And they are HAPPY about it!)

What does this have to do with my cancer journey? Just this: My oncologist wants me to walk thirty minutes a day. The best time, of course, is the dreaded "morning". It is best, because it is most consistant. And with the charge being to "walk daily," consistancy is pretty important.

So, with the new year and new resolutions, I began to try, but not in the mornings. I was "off and on." Finally, I emailed a friend who told me she had been walking with another friend, and I boldy asked to join them. They welcomed me in. And, I have been walking, IN THE MORNING, starting on 3 weeks now.

The thing is, I am now waking up on my own. When we went to Austin this past weekend, I got UP, on my own, and went and used the treadmill. HAPPILY! I can't explain it, but somehow, it has "just happened." Finally, "morning" is my friend. (I must confess that driving to the gym where we walk is a bit frightening...I should NOT, and I repeat, I SHOULD NOT really be allowed to drive before a cup of tea, but I don't have to go very far...)

To some, this might not be a big deal. But, as a NOT morning person who has always wanted to be one, this new found time in my day is a gift. And, it is a gift that will help keep my cancer at bay. That is also a gift. So...to my friends who welcomed me in, and to God who is able to bring good out of bad...Thank you!

Of Kids and Confusion

I try to keep my story about the girls to a minimum here, but Annaleigh made me laugh yesterday...

Mark had a conference in Austin, and the girls and I were fortunate enough to be able to attend with him. While eating breakfast at the restraunt, Annaleigh, my four year old, dropped a piece of toast in her lap. "I'm having a bad day," she said with a pitiful voice. Being the brilliant Mom I am, I said, "Honey, we have the whole day in front of us, and things have to get better, right?" She slunk further into the booth and despondantly replied, "Maybe my teeth might fall out." I hope laughing at your child qualifies as good parenting.

Still makes me laugh! God, thank you for little girls!

And, I do thank Him for them, even though some aspects of being a parent are best expressed in the phrase a friend of mine used: "mind numbing". Such is the case with a CD my 3 year likes to listen to. And listen to. And listen to. And, as we were listening to some "fee-fi-fiddly-i-oh's" today, I began to comment to my husband that it is sweet that there was a time in which children's music was so sweet and non-sensical. In the middle of my conversation, I heard myself say, "WAIT a minute. Just who WAS Dinah and why was she blowing a horn in the kitchen, anyway???" And thus we found ourselves backing the disc up a song or two.

My discovery...parenting IS mind-numbing. Dinah is apparrently a train. Dinah is also apparrently a cook. The train blows the horn; the cook gets sung to...fee-fi-fiddly-i-oh. Two separate songs, blended together in the fog of motherhood. Oh.

Words of Wisdom

We are still pondering and praying and asking for prayers for wisdom regarding my reconstruction. It's tough...there is such a drastic contrast in the surgeries, and the outcome is unknown territory either way.

As I was visiting with a lady I have so much respect for because of her spiritual life...she is an amazing, godly woman in my eyes...she shared that she had recently read the following...

HUGE paraphrase here: When you have sorted through everything, and prayed without ceasing, God's will is what is left.

I am not even sure what that means, but as I ponder it and try to apply it to simpler situations, it makes sense. I think. :-)

Breast Cancer Support Group

I have only been to one breast cancer support group meeting in the entire time of my journey. It is not that I have anything against them, but I didn't particulary feel that I needed one, due to the immense amount of support that I had rise up around me. However, I did attend one a couple weeks ago.

Some may want to stop reading right here, because the topic of the meeting was "Intimacy in Marriage, During and After Cancer." And, I suppose it really is a topic that lends itself toward "Too Much Information!"

So, I will generally say that it IS an issue. There are parts missing, parts replaced, and hormones missing that have been synthetically replaced. That is even not to mention the whole shifting of roles between partners, i.e., from patient/caregiver (which for us included a lot of icky-looking wound care) back to husband/wife. And although that very willingness for the partner to become caregiver richly deepens the marriage, there is still a shift to be made.

All that said, the meeting was helpful. There was good information shared, and there was good support. It seemed like the ladies there were really neat, and really interested in hearing each other's stories and concerns. I had read in a book someone that purposely attended support meetings after her cancer journey because that was her way of giving back. I can see that. I would like to attend again, Perhaps it is a great way to give back, and I would surely gain something in the process.

Up Coming Appointments

March is lining up and should prove to be an interesting month....

---I will have my consult with a dermatologist regarding some pre-cancerous spots that emerged during my treatment. Again, this is a blessing out of my cancer journey. I feel fortunate that I am getting the opportunity to address my skin in a pre-cancer stage!

---I will also get to do a colonoscopy in March. I DO feel grateful, because normally I would have to wait another 9 years. But, because my father had colon cancer, my oncologist wants me to check things out. That will be here in Abilene, and I have heard good things about the doctor I was given. Makes me a little nervous, but I have been told the worst part is preparing for it!

---I am also doing a consult with an ear/nose/throat doctor regarding my ears. For those who know me, you will not have a problem accepting the idea that I may be 41, but my ears are 65! Actually, an audiologist told me that I had the hearing of a 65 year old about 10 years ago, meaning...well....you can do the math. And, if you think I am joking, just call the house....because my 4 year old will likely answer the phone because I don't hear it! Early life skills training in this household!

---We are also doing some consults regarding my 3 year old's vision, and likely doing some surgery for her. Again, this is good...we have found a doctor who thinks she can help her one eye stop rolling up so high. Not fun, but hopefully when she is a mom, she will appreciate it!

Bone Density Test

I am so sorry for these little gaps in my blogging....here are a few short updates. God is good, and things are going well.

My GYN wanted me to do a bone density test to establish a base line since I have had the hysterectomy. Apparrently, my body had a jump start on things with my induced menopause from the chemo, and I had 3 spots already showing some bone defiency. Once again, I am blessed to have caught it early. I am not in full osteoporosis yet, and hopefully with the medication, I will be able to avoid that.

I do worry about our elderly in America, though. When the pharmacist gave me my medication, she smiled and said, "Your total is 42.03." I smiled back, and said, "Oh. I guess they gave me a year's supply since I take it only once a month." "No," she said, "that's for ONE pill. Without insurance, it's 100.00." Yikes! What do our older folks do, on fixed incomes? I know we are blessed though...that question is not even an issue in many places of the world, where healthcare is so minimal that it is frightening, and old age is a luxury. Yet, I know our older friends must struggle, and that makes me sad.